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Christmas Fruit Cake

Karen and Greg

From an anonymous govt. dept., via the Internet and Greenhouse Office

(Ed's note: I was not sure whether this contribution would meet the censor's guidelines for a 'family-oriented' publication such as this, but it was too good to omit. The contributors don't say whether they have actually TESTED this recipe, hence no responsibility is taken for the end result!)

  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup butter
  • 4 large eggs
  • 8 oz mixed nuts
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 2 cups dried fruit
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 1 bottle of bourbon
mountain

Sample the bourbon to check quality. Take a large bowl. Re-sample the bourbon to ensure it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the bourbon is still OK. Cry another cup.

Turn on the mixerer. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl, chuck in the dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loos with a drewscriver.

Next sift 2 cups of salt……or something, who cares? Check the bourbon. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add 1 table. Spoon. Of sugar, or something, whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turnerer. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the bourbon again and go to bed.

CAKES/BREADS

1999